My 13-year-old daughter is convinced she’s non-binary, but I think it’s a phase

DEAR DEIDRE: MY 13-year-old daughter is convinced she’s non-binary, but I think it’s just a phase. 

Her dad and I, both 45, want to be supportive of her choices.


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When she came out as a lesbian two years ago, aged 11, we had no issue with it. 

But there is so much online and in the press about stepping outside traditional gender norms, and I’m worried she’s being swept up in the excitement of it all. 

She also wants her pronouns to be ze/zir, which are confusing for us, let alone her grandparents and older relatives. 

I want her to feel free to express herself, but isn’t 13 a little young to be making these big decisions?

DEIDRE SAYS: Many people who identify outside the traditional gender norms find it patronising to be told they are going through a phase.

Ze may have been trying to find the right label for a while.

Better to support your daughter and let zir know there is no rush to give zirself a certain label.

Ze can take zir time to work out zir sexuality. It’s zir identity and the most important thing is ze feels comfortable. 

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